Books are treasures

Not everyone is a book nerd. Not everyone likes books. But I like to believe that most parents still want their children to love and respect books as treasures.

I started reading to Matheson as early as he was only a fetus, since before I even knew I was having a boy. I would read everything to the jelly bean, from simple "easy readers" books that I planned to read to him as a baby, and even to reading aloud some of the novels I went through for my own fancy during pregnancy. At first it started out as a relaxing thing. For me, reading out loud during pregnancy helped me get used to the fact that I was expecting a baby. I suppose it was because I was acknowledging the presence of someone who could hear me even though he wasn't entirely there yet. As the pregnancy progressed, I thought maybe he'd be more accustomed to my reading voice out of the womb if he heard it enough from inside so I started reading to my fat belly every night before bed. Whether or not it had an actual effect on my son, I can't be too sure, but over the years he's maintained his love and fascination for books so I can't say it didn't help.

Before he was born, I already had a set of easy books for him. Just simple stories that I could read to him every night. It became a lot harder when he was around 8 months old because he started talking and interjecting between all the pages and if I didn't get through the book in under a minute, we wouldn't end up finishing the book at all. 

By the age of two, his attention span was much more forgiving and I was able to finish reading books cover to cover, though I still had to read pretty fast before his attention span dawdled to something else. But because he was already so fluent in English, I started introducing French books to him as a challenge and over time he was identifying some things from the stories we read like une baleine, un canard, un chat and other animals. 

Luckily for me, he's appreciated all types of stories and I noticed his love for books started off early when he began requesting the books he memorized so he could say them with me as I read to him. 

After I started university, my son was a little over two, I was also working two part-time jobs. The bed-time story routine stopped for a while because of that. It was really hard for me to get home before his bed-time so he usually went to bed without a story at all. Eventually I quit both my jobs so I could focus on school and the book-reading routine continued. Now, at the age of roughly four and a half, and a good bed-time story routine instilled, my son absolutely loves stories. On top of having a short story every night, we're reading an abridged version of The Adventures of Tom Sawyer and he seems to be pretty invested in it so far. He always remembers where we left off and he'll ask questions about characters and their motives so I know he's paying fair attention.

It's little things like that that make parenting so fulfilling. I can't explain my love and fascination for books and for reading, but I know he's developed a love for them as well. He remembers all the plots, long or short, and even though he's still in the process of really being able to read, he understands the construction of a good story. He's developing his comprehension skills and I noticed that he's doing a good job identifying characters with their traits, their roles in the story and their titles. He always tries to determine their motives, while understanding when a character has done something bad or something good and tries to come up with ways that a mischievous character ought to redeem his or herself, even if it's as simple as having a character admit to stealing the cookies before dinner and giving mom an apology hug. Many parents can dispute this, but I believe character analysis at a young age is a very healthy tool in becoming a good judge of character when kids get older and face their own real life villains and encounter true to life heroes.

I guess as you go through the motions of a learning parent, you realize the importance of books and the impact that stories have on your children. Books really are treasures in a manner of speaking and with my son, I do expect him to treat books with a level of respect (unless I can agree that they are absolute garbage, like The Mortal Instruments series, my sentiments towards that story line is a whole other post of malcontent and sheer dissatisfaction). I want my son to value the simplicity of words written on sheets of paper that have the ability to take your mind out of reality, even if for a few moments. If you grow up with books the way I did, you learn to love the sheer simplicity in turning pages and the thrill of a building plot. I want him to appreciate the classics for the principles they inspire and even contemporary works that he can follow through to the denouement and still let his creativity and imagination alternate the resolve. I can say I want him to be like me, but I don't. I just want him to develop the admirable traits that people get when they have a care for such things as books and I'm thoroughly hoping he does become an avid reader, even if his taste for books vary dramatically from my own.

So anyway, this month, I've gone a little crazy with my book purchases, but namely because there are so many things on sale at Indigo. I've purchased a fair amount of reads for myself as well as for Matheson and I must say I'm pretty impressed so far. For anyone looking to get a good read for yourself or for your children or as a gift for a friend or family member, these are the books I've picked up this month and I do recommend them.

    

My titles:
Antigoddess by Kendare Blake
Girl of Nightmares by Kendare Blake
Paper Valentine by Brenna Yovanoff
The Signature of All Things by Elizabeth Gilbert
Dark Witch (Book one of The Cousin's O'Dwyer Trilogy) by Nora Roberts

My son's titles:
Advent Elf by Barbara Korthues
Christmas Hat by The Templar Company PLC
Snow Tree by A.J. Woods
The Dark by Lemony Snicket
Grumpy Badger's Christmas by Paul Bright
The Day the Crayons Quit by Drew Daywalt
Jack the Bear by Christina Leist

Supporting local talent: City In Fall - Razz & Calabru

This is a weird change of pace, but I think I should include this in my blog.

The music video in this post is of a song written and composed by local Toronto talent: Razz & Calabru.
Now you're probably wondering, what is this doing on your "teen mom" blog. Well, I think a huge part about being who I am and about my identity is the fact that on top of being a mom, I'm also a student attending a university in the downtown core of Toronto.
I met Stefan Calabrese, also known as "Calabru", two years ago from my first year Frosh group. He ended up being one of my closest friends at school and made the best company I've had the pleasure of knowing throughout my years at Ryerson U. He later introduced me to Marco Razzolini, who I tend to forget is even named Marco because I've always known him as Razz, but between the two of them, I can proudly call them friends.
After getting to know both of them and spending a lot of break time between classes with them in my first year, I can attest to them being wonderful and genuine people as well as being talented artists.
I know any mother should be so lucky to have a son as gifted, hardworking and driven as these two. It's amazing to say that they've come this far from a dream that they've been pursuing since a little before I met them. I remember when they used to sneak into the recording studio at school on Friday afternoons even though they weren't allowed to use any of the equipment, but then they moved on to bigger and better things and a year later, they were selling CDs and BLIS music group sweaters to family, friends and people around campus. (Thankfully for winter, I can finally start wearing my BLIS hoodie again).
Anyway, I'm doing what I can to help spread their name as they just released a new video and watching it sent chills down my spine simply because I can say I know these guys and I'm so proud of how they've progressed between the time I first met them and now. 

Anyway, check out their new video, even if it's not your taste, take the time to support your local talent. 

How Beyblades taught me a thing about parenting

So I'm pretty puzzled about this Beyblade thing. My son's been raving about this fad for months now and I didn't think it necessary to buy him the toy because he has more than enough toys as it is. On top of that, I was about 10 years old when the whole Beyblade thing was all the rage and first came out as a trend so I thought by now it had lost all it's flare, but apparently I'm wrong.
As the school year progressed and all my son's friends had a Beyblade toy to boast about, I figured maybe it was about time he got one too.
Anyway, out of curiosity, I watched a few episodes of this Beyblade show with him and I can't say I'm particularly impressed, retro Pokemon and Digimon are where it's at, but he doesn't seem to sympathize with me on that. However, I'm just "mom" and I guess I'm getting to that point of parenthood where I'm not actually as cool to him as I thought I was.
My curiosity with this Beyblade fad was piqued two weekends ago while at my uncle's house because my little cousin (who's five years old) has one of these Beyblade stadium things with these spinning hunks of plastic and metal that are the essence of the "Beyblade". So while there, Matheson and my boyfriend, Anthony, probably played with it for about an hour, though I'm sure they would have played for longer if we didn't have an agenda to attend to that day; and after missing his nap, Matheson caused a fit because we told him he couldn't play anymore and had to eat dinner.

Since that day, all my son would talk about were these Beyblades, throwing in hints about Christmas and Santa Claus and the fact that Target and Toys R Us are having a sale on Beyblades (yes, my son reads the flyers so he can update me on toy sales). Finally, that day came, that day being today, and I bought my son a pack with two Beyblades for 10 bucks. I decided to play with him and unfortunately, I'm possibly the most competitive mom out there. Anyone who knows me knows that I'll never just let my son win anything, ever. From tic tac toe to checkers, even racing to finish our food at dinner and now with beyblades. Yeah, so I got a little into it and kicked his ass about 15 times in a row playing these Beyblades which is probably awful, but I got to play with him and I made sure that he was enjoying the toy.

I ignored his requests to get this Beyblade thing for so long and I'm only realizing now that these fads are part of a proper social upbringing. Learning from that, I want to make sure my son still gets to experience a social life filled with really lame fads that die fast, but still being able to value them as he gets them.
However, as a responsible parent, you can never really let go of the fundamentals. It's important to understand that fads at the age of 4 years old might only be of Beyblades and Angry Birds, but it could lead to fads at 16 years old being "later-to-regret" tattoos and a hit of M or two at every party, every weekend. I keep forgetting what it's like to be in school and around friends who you try to fit in with. It's just a matter of having a safe balance of letting your kids have fun while teaching them how to do the right thing.
After buying my son this Beyblade, I told him that he needs to be responsible with it. Sure, it was only ten bucks, so what do I care if he breaks it in the next week? Well, I don't want him to believe it's value can be measured as less or more than anything else, the point is, it belongs to him and someone gave it to him. It's now become something to take care of. Like the gloves and hat he leaves at school all the time and day in and day out I get mad at him for being so careless with his things, I want this toy to be a learning tool for him to hold a sense of responsibility for his belongings. I want him to make use of it and I want him to understand the value of his possessions and to be grateful for what he has. Setting these ideals for him is what I believe to be an important part of teaching your child how to make good choices. The worst part about growing up with very hardcore, traditional immigrant parents was that they never TAUGHT my brother or myself how to make decisions, they just kept making decisions for us and told us they were always right. They didn't let us think, they thought for us. Until one day, they decided my brother and I were old enough to make decisions on our own and they threw us to the dogs and we ended up being pretty helpless for a few years, indulging in drugs and alcohol and sex without a clue in the world with how to handle it (Yes, both my brother and I had our fair share of demons that way, but we've learned better and both changed).
All I can say about it now is that as tiny and insignificant as this Beyblade thing is, it showed me something. Everything you give to your children should be given to them with a purpose. From the banana they eat as a snack at school to the amazing present you give to them on their birthday, it all comes with a lesson on value and how to use and treat their things. If my parents guided my choices instead of made my choices for me, I would have had a better sense of appreciation and value for the blessings I had as a teenager and I would have made better choices in facing my obstacles, however I learned from my mistakes. I'm grateful for my parents, I truly am, and I take their example as a lesson. But now it's that time to apply that to my son. Hopefully teaching him how to take care of his things and his new toy will give him a better handle on values like this in the future. I explained to him that how he treats this toy will show me whether I can trust that he will be deserving of other toys moving forward into Christmas. I said he has a choice; he can choose to treat it well and treat it with value and prove to me that he can be responsible and careful for his toys or he can treat it like poop and it'll show me that he won't be able to handle a new toy responsibly. It's up to him and I know it's a heavy lesson to learn, but if I want him to be the man I want him to grow up to be, then time is of the essence and I ought to start him off with these Beyblade things.
Anyway, back to kicking his butt in Beyblade.

Tis the season?

It's that time of the year.

COLD AND FLU SEASON! 

Although, it is cold season and I've been sick with a cold and suffering from a very painful ear infection (while staying a safe distance away from my son for the time being), that's not exactly what I meant.

It's Christmas season and with the Santa Claus Parade this weekend, I'm more than excited to start a month long preparation period for such festivities.

Winter 2012

When my son was two years old, I decided to make a dinky little Christmas tree for the bedroom and all the ornaments on it. It was a lot of fun to make and he was so excited decorating it because he was proud to say he helped mommy make the ornaments. The tree served as a cute little trophy in itself as the first big Christmas craft he's ever been a part of making and I caught him a number of times stopping to stare at it with a smile on his face. Unfortunately, last year, we were simply too busy so instead of doing a bunch of home made crafts like we did the year prior, we ended up picking up a new tree from Home Depot and bought a couple hundred dollars worth of Martha Stewart Christmas tree decorations and called it a day. It's fair to say that it involved very little DIY activities and the only quality time we really had in the process was when we were picking out the decorations at the store because once we got home he was pretty bored of decorating the tree. My son and I ended up getting into a fight near the end of the decorating because I wanted the lights to be all white, but Matheson, being three and attracted to colourful things, obviously argued to have the multi-coloured setting on the Christmas lights switch (which, by the way, looked positively horrid). However, with much persuasion, I prevailed; to some degree...

Now that we have a bit more time this year, I want to get back into the motions of home made crafts. Everything from the gift wrap to the Christmas decorations around the house and on the tree. Especially because he's older, I think now is a good time to invest more time in fun little art activities for Matheson to do after school and I know for sure he'll love to put his arts and crafts in his bedroom and hang them up on the wall. I absolutely love this time of the year, hopefully I can do a few tutorials of our DIY decorations and have some posts of his Christmas crafts for those who might need ideas to do with their own kids.

Shorty

What gave me the idea to start this blog was my itch to write a post about a criticism I wanted to voice out publicly, but I didn't have the means of doing so. While I was at work yesterday, a monumentally tall man walked into our store and commented on how short I am. He had to have been 6'5" or 6'6" as my boyfriend is around 6'2"-6'3" and this guy was still much taller than him. I, however, stand 5 feet from the ground and find myself breaking my neck to look people in the eye on most occasions so the contrast was fairly comical if I do say so myself.

Anyway, the comment he made had my thoughts trailing back to a memory of something a guy I once dated had said to me about my son: "I feel bad for Matheson, he's gonna be a really short dude."

Although this is quite obviously the likely nature of what will become of my son's height when he's fully grown, it's not necessarily something I dwell on as a reason to "feel bad" for him.

As a parent, you can't help but daydream about the future of your children. I always catch myself fantasizing about the different things that my son can be based on what his interests are now and on the skillset he's developing. Sometimes you wonder what your kids will look like, but no matter what becomes of their physical appearance, you will always, ALWAYS hope and pray that they remain healthy and safe. But again, referring back to the comment regarding my son's height. Who cares?

My son is pretty charismatic and he has a large social circle at school. He's bright for his age, but boys will be boys, so I can guarantee you'll mostly catch him running and jumping around more often than you'll see him heavily focused in his activity books at home. But do any of those things change because he might be shorter than any others? Not really.

After thinking it over, I realized that whether he's tall or not, his height won't impair him from doing much of anything that most men should be able to do. My dad is only 5'5", and it's fair to say that he was actually a womanizer before he got married. He's always been physically capable of doing very labour-intense tasks for a long period of time. With very little help, he renovated majority of our house when we first moved in last year, with an intermediate-level skill set in plumbing, electrical, flooring, carpentry, and most other things related to that line of work, he also did all of the front yard landscaping and plays the drums, the guitar, the piano, and the bass like a professional. Now after listing all these things about my dad, I can't say I feel bad for him because he's short. In fact, I can't say his height has anything to do with any of his skills or personal traits that makes him such a well-rounded jack of all trades.

So why do you feel bad that my son is going to be a short dude?
Don't be. It's part of my responsibility as a parent to help my son focus on the things that make him who he is that he can embrace. Hypothetically, if I lingered on the supposed sorrow I ought to feel of having a doomed-to-be-short son, how would I ever be able to help him figure out what it is he's good at and what skills I should help him develop and tune to be a useful person? If he can't be good at being tall, fine then, move on to the next one. I know many of you are probably wondering what kind of air head I was dating at the time who would say such a thing, but it's not relevant what I ever saw in him because we're not together anymore and it's because of comments like that that I realized he wasn't worth my time or my son's.

It's funny because at one point, I did worry about my son's height as if it was some sort of a problem. Maybe it's my affinity for tall guys as a compensation for my own lacking-height, but I admit there was a time when I thought about my son being short as a negative thing. I suppose that came from the very superficial mindset I had as a teen mom with finicky ideals of how parents should regard their children and their futures, but as I am still growing up myself, I'm learning a lot about living with what you were born with and embracing every bit of it.

I think one of the important things I learned from growing up through my teenage years while raising my son is that everyone is born the way they are born. Simply "accepting" your child as they are is never good enough. Society can simply accept your child for who they are and the traits they bear, but as parents, you need to LOVE your children for EVERYTHING that they are to make it really count. I'm addressing more than the concept of height, but all traits that children are born with that some parents might see as a problem, whether physically, developmentally or socially. It boils down to the fact that individual members of society might find reason to "feel bad" for your kid, but in my experience, your kids are counting on you to love them for who they are. I pity the people who sympathize with the notion that my son should be felt bad for because he'll probably be short, as far as I'm concerned, I feel bad for you because you don't have an amazing little boy who learned how to play perfect paradiddles at the age of two.

Why am I even "That teen mommy" to begin with?

I finally decided to start a blog dedicated to my personal sentiments of being a young mommy. After having a "facebook pregnancy" - one where virtually every detail of my pregnancy was shared with my friends and family over facebook five years ago I now have a growing fan base for my son who is now four years old. I figured, why not start a blog? People always tell me I should write a book, but there's nothing about my life worth pouring into a hardcover autobiography. Besides, I'd much rather write a blog that could be followed and read at anyone's convenience with no strings attached. I like the idea of knowing that random people can have access to the things I write without having the obligation to buy a bundle of pages scripted with ink about my relatively boring life story.

Teen moms rarely write about their stories of going through high school and being pregnant or raising their children while going through college, and I suppose it's because of the negative stereotypes associated with teen pregnancy and perhaps we'd much rather avoid drawing attention to ourselves. It could be because teen moms aren't all typically apt to writing out every detail of their life like I am, or maybe it's because we're all too busy being pregnant and fat and eating everything and then transitioning into the mommy life so we haven't the time to write diddly squat about the experience.

I remember being 16, first finding out I was pregnant and having the WORST resources for going through teen pregnancy. There were some prenatal classes for pregnant teenagers that my obstetrician recommended I go to. I went to one and hated it. And with that, my pregnancy was brutally disappointing. I tried looking up articles and blog posts written by teen moms just because I wanted to know what I was up for, but to my dismay, I came up empty handed. I eventually sought counsel in other friends who already went through teen pregnancy and they gave me some useful tips, like "Well, [my daughter] is crawling now so when they're at this age you need to watch out extra carefully and you really can't leave them out of your sight. She rolled off the bed once while my brother was playing video games when he was supposed to be watching her. Thank God, she didn't crack her skull." At least when I was 16 years old, I thought this was pretty useful, but then you actually get to that point when your little guy is crawling around and you realize it's common sense not to leave them alone... ever.

But despite the selectively useful advice I got from my friends, I had no form of comparison to see if my teen pregnancy was as much of a social exile as everyone elses.

So now that I'm 21, with my four year old son in junior kindergarten, I'm taking that step to write a blog about my experience as a young mommy, a teen mommy, as a student, as a parent in general, and from time to time I'll share pieces of my experience being quite literally 16 and pregnant.