Being Pregnant in High School

The common misconception people tend to have about being a pregnant teenager is that we drop out of school.

No, not all of us. Some do, but not all.

I got an email from someone asking me what it was like to be pregnant in high school. She's 17 and her and her boyfriend just recently found out they're expecting in 7 months.
First of all, I just want to say it's pretty awesome that I have strangers following me and coming to me for advice. Although I don't condone teen pregnancy in any way, I don't oppose it entirely either. I also respect the fact that this particular follower reached out to me looking for advice.

Well, I figured this was actually a good question because while most of my personal stories about the past involve some type of story - I've never really talked about the entire experience of just being pregnant in school.

Matheson & I before my prom

I think first I might address that I went to a Catholic school. Unfortunately, there are a lot of Catholic schools that still kick girls out for being pregnant because it's a negative display on against the sanctity of marriage and what not. I mean, if you have a problem going to a Catholic school and being gay - at least they don't kick you out. But the whole pre marital sex thing is still scorned in the Catholic church that often transpires as the basis of rule-making in Catholic schools. I do know of a few girls who were kicked out of school during their pregnancy because they were "showing" and we unable to return until after the child was born. However, as odd as it sounds, I was lucky enough to be in a school where teen pregnancy rates were actually quite rampant. Now, I don't normally think it's "lucky" to be a student in a school where every girl is having a baby, but at least in my case, I was given the choice to stay. The teaching staff and faculty were very understanding of my pregnancy and really tried to accommodate me.

I always got stares in the hallways because I was pregnant. I'm tiny too - I'm only five feet tall so it looked obscure to have this tiny little asian girl with a pregnant belly. They didn't really matter to me because these were people I didn't even know.

Celebrating my 17th birthday - 3 and a half months pregnant

To be honest though, I lost some of my closest friends after being pregnant. They just didn't deal with it very well. It's still fair to say that a lot of my friendships didn't change and were unaffected by the pregnancy. In fact, I'm still friends with many of these people to this day. They supported me throughout my pregnancy and really didn't care to be seen with me in public because nothing changed. But there were still a handful of people I used to call my "best friends" who just stopped talking to me altogether because I just didn't fit in their lifestyle anymore. I think it had to do with the negative stigma associated with teen pregnancy - it makes sense that they just didn't want to be apart of that. But I suppose they expected me to ruin my life from being pregnant and I guess that's what created the distinction of who my real friends were. The one's that stuck around were the ones that didn't doubt my ability to succeed despite the pregnancy. I actually think they had more confidence in my success than I had in myself. I am eternally grateful for them though, if it wasn't for them, it would have been a lot harder waking up to go to school most days.

Anyway, back to being pregnant in school.
I encountered A LOT of people who didn't hesitate to ask bizarre questions.
I remember people asking me if I was going to eat the placenta after the baby was born. To be quite honest, I thought it was really gross at the time. However, I recently found out that you don't really "eat the placenta", it get's dehydrated and powdered and put into capsules that you consume like a vitamin tablet. So although my answer at the time was no, I'm pretty sure I'd be willing to try it given the opportunity in the future. Seeing as there's scientific evidence of the health benefits for both myself and the child, I wouldn't rule it out.

A lot of people asked me why I didn't use birth control. First of all - just to clarify with everyone who doesn't already know the story - I was taking oral contraceptives. The doctor blamed it on a number of reasons why I could have gotten pregnant while on the pill, but the most likely case was that because I had a bladder infection around the time of conception and was taking antibiotics for it, the hormones in the birth control pills were being metabolized faster and that it may have been enough to reduce the effects of the birth control and lead to pregnancy.

People then asked me if I was going to drop out. Well - I was still in school when they asked me these questions so it only seemed likely that I would stay in school. My answer was always yes. I didn't see myself dropping out, I just couldn't fit it in my life plan.

I also had to wear a uniform - being in a Catholic secondary school and all, but I was able to get exemptions to the uniform because the pants were uncomfortable. I also had a weird misalignment of my hip bones and a doctor note stating that I should not be required to wear the uniform from 2 months into the pregnancy. It was pretty rad. On an interesting note, I remember being in the cafeteria one day and I got in trouble for not wearing the uniform by one of the cafeteria supervisors. She sent me to the office for it and when I told her I was pregnant, she was extremely confused because of how small I was. However, another cafeteria lady that knew me a little better told her that I was pregnant and I usually brought my uniform slip, I just didn't have it that day.

This picture was taken in the backyard of my friend who's
mom confronted me at school three years earlier about
not wearing the uniform during my pregnancy.
Small world.

I found out a few years later that the woman who confronted me about my pants was actually my friend's mom and apparently she was really embarrassed afterwards because she had no idea I was pregnant and she didn't even believe me when I told her I was. What's even funnier is that when my son was 3, my brother took him over to that friend's house and they played in their backyard. I wonder if her mom knew that he was the kid that I was pregnant with.

Well, yeah, for the most part - my school experience was okay in terms of the pregnancy.
It was funny because the attention was always different. It embarrassed most people to even ask me if I was pregnant. It scared a lot of people who didn't even know how babies were made - yes, there were students who didn't know where babies came from, at least not the REAL way. But overall, my teachers were awesome about it. I had a teacher named Ms. Fideli who's like a super feminist and it kind of drove me crazy, but during our final exams, she gave everyone chocolate and then gave me the rest because I had two mouths to feed. A lot of my teachers asked me what my plans were for the future, but they always had faith in me to do well because my grades were still really good.

I had 80s and 90s in most classes and I didn't have a problem getting accepted to universities and most of my acceptances came with entry scholarships.
Overall, my pregnancy changed my high school experience entirely, but it didn't impair my ability to succeed with my education.

Those of you who know me now can probably attest to that because you know I have multiple scholarships and bursaries, you know I do well in school despite having my son and still supporting him, I've been able to go three years in university and still maintain all my renewable scholarships with academically related conditions.

Anyway, I hope those reading this will understand that although it was trivial-to say the least-to be a pregnant teenager, it's not impossible to be a successful teen mom thereafter.

I just wanted to add that school may not be for everyone, but it shouldn't be cast aside just because you got pregnant. If you want your child to flourish then you need to make sure you can give him or her the future you think they deserve, even if that means making a few small sacrifices here and there just to put yourself through school or to acquire the training or educational tools to reach your career goals.
In today's society, not having a high school diploma or equivalent is detrimental to your success. You wouldn't even have the option of pursuing post secondary later in life when your child gets older and you decide you're ready to eventually pursue higher level education because you haven't even acquired the basic requirements to apply.

I don't judge people who can't finish high school because more likely than not, there are other factors to it than simply "being lazy" or "being stupid". There are plenty of capable people who get themselves into trying situations that hinders their ability to be in class or meet deadlines for assignments or prepare for tests. That, I understand. That, I sympathize with. I met a mother when I was pregnant, she had two children and was in her thirties. She was only 17 when she had her first son and she told me she was ostracised by her family and kicked out of her home. She had to work to prepare for the financial pressures of having a child and her boyfriend at the time was barely making ends meets just to have a place to live. That was in the 90s and at the time, there were no subsidies for childcare, if you were a teen mom, you HAD to pay for childcare or you HAD to stay home and watch your children. We live in a different time and it's very possible for young women with children to succeed on their own. It's a matter of prioritizing and projecting your dreams and goals into a future that doesn't just involve your child but surrounds them entirely. You may need to make the sacrifice of being with your child all the time because you need to be in school or something, but in the long run, you're helping to secure their future by securing your own. And that was always what drove me to stick with my education even though all I wanted to do was stay at home and be with my son all day.

Well, if your only reason for wanting to drop out of school is that you got pregnant, trust me, you have the means and resources of finishing your education.

Never ever ever ever let your child be an excuse to hinder your success. Your child should only ever be the reason why you strive even harder in your life to reach your academic and career goals. If your child is an excuse for your failure instead of an inspiration to succeed - then you have no business being a parent and you should seriously reevaluate your life.

With that, I just wanted to say that I am eternally grateful for all the support and help I had in high school. From family, friends, from teachers and coworkers and my supervisors who always tried to accommodate me and my situation - they all contributed to my success in one way or another during my pregnancy and I couldn't have been luckier to have those people in my life.